“People are crying, ‘Where is bhoj?'”

The first time Mamu mentioned it was about three weeks before they left. P had finally told them about the conference, and that we were pushing for his travel documents, and that we might go to Nepal for Dashain.

That night he had a social meet-up with some of his lab colleagues/professors, so he asked me to tag along with Mamu and Daddy. While the scientists were catching up over beers and chicken wings in the bar, I sat with Mamu and Daddy in the restaurant nibbling on French fries and splitting a local blueberry beer with Daddy.

After a few fries (which came covered in cheese, which really isn’t Mamu’s “habit,” but “what to do?”) she said, “In Kathmandu the people are crying, crying, ‘Where is bhoj?’”

“Where is what?” I asked.

“The people… they are crying. ‘You have bhoj in America, where is our bhoj?’”

Bhoj meaning wedding?”

Daddy shook his head, “No, no… wedding party, bhoj. You see, we have so many relatives and friends, they want a party.”

“We tell them… American bhoj is sufficient. But they are crying crying. What to do?” Mamu asked. “We tell them, you and P come later, but if you come now, what?”

After that conversation there wasn’t a lot of bhoj talk since it didn’t look like P’s immigration documents were going to come through in time.

But in the eleventh hour they were approved, and we bought tickets to travel, and suddenly the conversation started again.

“People want bhoj.”

“How many people would you invite to the bhoj?” I asked. With a week before our departure, and only two weeks in Nepal, the timing was ridiculiously short.

Daddy took out his journal and thumbed through a few pages. He had made a list of relatives, neighbors and friends. It was 550 people long.

Holy cow.

Daddy likes to have projects like this. Back in KTM he is one of the relatives to call if you need help coordinating an event. He likes to get involved. Time was short, but that wasn’t truly an obstacle.

He started calling friends immediately to try and secure a venue, making a list of tasks to do upon returning like printing invitation cards, and he combed through the list to see if there were any people he could cut to save on costs. I’m not sure if the list has grown any shorter, if anything it probably grew longer. Now I get emails from him during the day asking me things like, “how do you phonetically spell your parents’ names?”

Although idea of being the bride at a wedding party where I barely know a soul is kind of daunting,  the party is more for P’s family, particularly for P’s grandfather.

“I don’t think my family has hosted a big party like this since my aunt’s wedding twenty eight years ago.” P said, and we both know P’s grandfather is going to be beaming with pride and excitement the entire two weeks we are there.

So while I’m packing my bag tonight, I have to remember to include my wedding sari, bangles, jewelry, and tilhari for the last installment of P and C’s wedding adventure which is planned for next Friday—September 29th.

So no more crying people! The bhoj is coming.

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10 responses to ““People are crying, ‘Where is bhoj?'”

  1. Yay! All I can say. My heart has been crying for a bhoj and I didn’t even know the word. Just this whole time, I’ve thought for you guys, they need to do this Nepali style, party and all. I’ve never experienced it, but I hear Nepali’s really know how to throw a party. 550 people! Its unreal. Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy! So happy for the both of you.
    Next on the agenda: crying for bhoj pictures ;)

  2. That is fantastic news because I know you really wanted it :) i’d be interested to know how much one of these parties costs because rabindra tells me they are quite expensive and can be on par with an australian wedding. we are trying to plan costs for our two ceremonies and i have no idea how much to budget for a nepali “bhoj”

  3. That is so great. Just be prepared to smile and bow (I believe you have to) whole evening of BHOJ. Are you hiring photography? If so make sure you hire younger ones as the older ones tend to not listen to your instructions. I had that problem during our engagement but our wedding ones were really good. Enjoy!!!

  4. Do you mean Friday, September 30th? I’ll be there! lol

  5. Yay enjoy!! I’m sure you’re excited and P’s family must be so so excited too. Make sure you get up and have a few dances at the end :)

  6. Hello Namaste americanepali
    I m a german girl in a relationships with a nepali man since 3 years. Till now we are separated living. He in Nepal and me in German.During our love we to shuttle between Germany and Nepal the last years. Now we are going to marry in Germany ( its so difficult to get all of our documents), we hope this year we want get the marry.
    After we want life for some time ( 1 our 2 years) in Nepal.
    Either way i had found you blog and read and read. Its really interessting for me what thinking other nations about an Intercultural love, specific west countrys to a asian peoples.
    Some of your expiriences I had made too, some not.
    I have got from a other blogger a blog award and I want the award to hand down to you. I hope you will accept.
    If you go at my website there you can collecd the award. my website is in german language , but there is on the right site a translate button
    Excuse me about my english words. I think its wrote so wrong? Its a pitty, then I had forget so much from my english speaking since my friend an me talk absolutly in german language.
    I wish you and you hushband the best for your future.
    Regards from Germany Basundhara

    • Basundhara, thank you for the blogging award! As we are in Nepal right now, and it is hard to navigate the slow internet here, I might not be able to collect the award until I get home in two weeks, but I’ll be very happy to do so when I get home. Thank you!

  7. Ohh nice you stay in Nepal…….wish you a good time there. Yes I know the slowly internet *smile*

  8. cogratulation for yr married life!! i am one of the reader of yr blogss….its amazing!! and enjoy yr stay in nepal, yr 1st dashain afta marriage and yr BHOJ!!!! :-)

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