Welcome…

Manu and I at a wedding in Nepal

P and I at a wedding in Nepal

I am relatively new to blogging… I’ve been a reader and a commenter for a while, but I hesitated for quite some time before I decided to take the plunge.

I originally turned to the internet because I wanted some advice. Last summer my partner of 6 years—let’s call him P—his family came to visit us in the US for five weeks. His aunt, mother, father, brother and sometimes his cousin stayed with us in our small 2 bedroom apartment. I had a great time getting to know them better, but I also felt exhausted and a bit stressed out by the situation. I felt like I didn’t really have anyone to talk or relate to about it.

Meanwhile, I have had an ongoing “discussion” (read: on-again, off-again fight) with my mother about my interest and participation in many aspects of Nepali culture, and her fear that I am abandoning my “American-ness” and my culture for P’s.

Out of frustration and curiosity I started searching the web… surely there were multitudes of people out there in similar situations. What did they do? How did they cope? What compromises did they make and what suggestions did they have?

At first I wasn’t finding anything useful. Then I stumbled upon a great blog on intercultural relationships—Gori Girl—which promptly launched me into the blogosphere. Becoming more active on GG’s blog and forum made me feel like I was part of a community, even if it was purely an online one.

However it seemed that many of the commenters on her site, as well as other blogs that I googled were about relationships between Indians and westerners. Although the information was useful and the stories great to hear, I also wanted something a little more. Eventually I was excited to start reading a blog made by a woman who married a Pakistani man because at least it was a bit of a different perspective, but I wasn’t  finding anything out there written about Nepal and households consisting of an American and a Nepali.

Yes, I know… Nepal’s culture is similar in many ways to certain cultural groups in India… and yes, India, Nepal, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, etc, all fall under the South Asian umbrella, but I felt there was certainly room out there for an intercultural blog with a slightly different perspective.

So here I am. For better or for worse.

As a disclaimer (to paraphrase/steal a line from Gori Girl-I hope she doesn’t mind!): South Asia is a large place, with a number of different religions, ethnicities, and languages. I’ve had significant contact with several friends and families from certain types of backgrounds from specific regions (mostly Kathmandu and Chitwan area) of Nepal. But, generally, I have my own experiences with my network of Nepali friends and family, and these experiences might be totally different from yours. Hopefully, though, this will be a place where I can share my thoughts, and others can share theirs.

So let me be the first to officially welcome you to the launch of “Musings from an American-Nepali Household.”

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21 responses to “Welcome…

  1. I like your blog title – it’s def. a good start. And I agree, there’s quite a few indian- american relationship blogs out there, a nepali-american perspective would be a good one to read. all the best!

  2. Yay – I’m glad to see you blogging! Looking forward to hearing about your experiences in more detail, and how similar/different they are from mine. And no, I don’t mind that you paraphrased a bit from my blog at all. :-)

  3. Younger Sister M

    I always thought your blog title was weird but I just saw a blog called …..Musing on Life, Love and Other Tifles. So I guess people do use it as a blog title.

  4. I have been reading all your blog today. I really like it.
    I love how you and P negotiate through your cultural differences!

    Being married to a South Indian as a North Indian( indeed a lot of Nepalese customs sound very similar to our own), I can relate to the cross- cultural differences. But, as I feel, its variety that adds so much fun to our lives.

  5. americanepali

    Hi Allytude,

    Welcome! I agree, the cross-cultural aspect to our lives indeed adds a lot of fun! Glad you enjoy reading :)

  6. I’m so glad to have stumbled upon your blog. Its interesting to read the stories from your perspective. I am in a Nepali-American family, and your blog is something we can relate to.

    • Welcome! It will be interesting to hear from you too! If you ever feel like writing something from the perspective of being in a Nepali-American family I’d be happy to have a guest post :)

  7. I found your blog off of My Indian Love. I married an Indian man in April of this year, and I am also struggling with my family in terms of them thinking I am losing my “American-ness” and culture for my husbands. I would definitely be interested in how you are approaching the subject with your mother and any advice you may have.

    -Jessica

  8. I am so glad I found this blog! I was starting to feel like the only American married to a nepalese person. Possibly the only American who could find nepal on a map (sad). Thanks so much for blogging!

  9. Hi! I’m really glad I found this too! I’m the daughter of a Nepali woman and a white American man. So far I’m the only person I know from these two races but hopefully one day I’ll find another. Anyways, its great to know that these relationships exist in places other than my household.

    • americanepali

      Hi Lita, welcome! I think Nepali American households are on the rise :)

    • Hi Lita! I’m a 36 year old American man, married for the last 10 years and together for almost 14 years to a Nepali woman. We just had our first child together. She’s a BEAUTIFUL little half-and-half girl named Araiya (pron: Uh-rai-uh). You’re not alone. :) We live in Raleigh, NC in the U.S., but my personal dream is to maybe move to India for work and travel often to KTM to visit with my wife’s family. They live literally less than 200ft from New Road Gate.

  10. futureMrs.Bhatta

    Wow!!! I am so excited to see this! I have been in a relationship with a Nepali man and I have been trying to find something that helps me really understand his culture. I don’t have the same problems with my parents thinking that I am losing my “American-ness” but sometimes it does get difficult for my family to comprehend. I have been dreaming about going to Nepal and cannot wait to dive into the Nepalese culture. Thank you so much for sharing your stories!

  11. Hi my name is Christian and I’m with a Nepali guy also I’m native American and were recently are going to get married but my parents don’t know about it just because they don’t want to get involved . Just did you cope when you couldn’t understand there language or did you get homesick did you have anyone to talk to . ?? I’ve been with him for 3 1/2 yeRs he’s 26 and I’m 20 what do you think?

  12. Namaste! I stumbled on your blog and am interested to read more and hear how things are going for you both. I am married to a Nepali man for 8 years and we have two young daughters, one just five months. His mom is here now with us and she is such a blessing, helping out so much. As a couple, we have our ups and downs, but we remained committed to making it work. Thanks for sharing! It would be great to connect.

    • americanepali

      Hi Ann,
      Welcome! It would be interesting to hear your perspective as a mother of intercultural kids and having help from your MIL. I see my friend R with her new baby and how much she appreciates having her mom in the US during these first few months. Thanks for checking in!

  13. First off I would like to say congrats to you and your husband. I know I am a little late but still. My name is Mallory I have been with my husband who is from Chitwan, Nepal for the last 6 years. We finally got married in July of 2010. It was the best day of my life. I have not been to Nepal yet and have been welcomed in by his family. I especially enjoy the momos have grown to love them!!! Ha-ha. I read in your blog that your mother was putting pressure about you possibly loosing your American ways. I have felt the same way my sister has mentioned that I should not confuse society by wearing sindoor or vermillion even though it is always my choice whether or not I choose to wear it. Also, in addition I enjoy reading about Nepal and it really interest me a lot. So maybe that scares my family. I decided to stop eating beef maybe nine months ago because I feel like when you love someone you can make sacrifices for them and thought that it would be easier when I do end up going to Nepal and my in-laws won’t be angry if I say I would like a hamburger. It was not as difficult as it may sound. Now if I had to give up chicken I don’t imagine I would be able to. Your blog has made me feel a connection I knew that I am not the only American in love with a Nepali man but I have never met one.

    Thanks,
    Mallory

    • americanepali

      Hi Mallory,

      Thanks for your message! I agree… knowing there are other people out there like you is very comforting! :) I hope you are able to visit Nepal soon. It would be such an interesting experience!

      • Thank you! I hope to be able to visit Nepal as well very soon. We are supposed to be going for 3 months in January. I am so excited to go I wish we could go now I need a break from all the frustrations of everyday life here.

  14. Hi I am J Subedi. I came across your blog because I myself married a Nepali man. I’m very confused and wondered if you could somehow relate to me. My husband is not very romantic or intimate. I have heard that Nepal is very closed and does not show affection through words but through actions. Is your husband this way? If so how do you cope? I’m so used to love being spoken. I hope to talk soon. My email is jessicasubedi2012@gmail.com.

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