About

P and I at Swayambhunath in Kathmandu

P and I at Swayambhunath in Kathmandu

Hi, I’m C. I finally joined the blogosphere after deciding there weren’t really blogs out there for people in an intercultural relationship (specifically) with Nepalis, and that it would be a great way to connect with others in South Asian-western relationships.

I’m an international education professional in my mid-to-late-twenties, and I’ve been with my partner, P,  for nearly eight years. We met as undergraduate students in a rural college in upstate New York and have been together ever since. In July of 2011 we finally “tied the knot.”

P and I at Monument Valley in Utah

P and I at Monument Valley in Utah

The past seven years have been a growing experience… I’ve had to challenge myself on what I think on subjects such as culture, religion, and family. P and I have sketched out many ideas on how we want our household to be, and a blog seemed to be a nice way to document that journey. I am hoping to meet others in similar types of circumstances and to exchange ideas and stories.

To learn more about P and I feel free to read my first posting “Welcome…” and follow the “Personal Story” category thread.

Welcome…

102 responses to “About

  1. I’m so excited about finding your site. I’ve been married to a Nepali man for almost 5 months and you’re right…there’s so little out there about Nepali/American relationships.

    • Kathleen welcome! I’m always excited to hear from other people in Nepali-American (or western) relationships! I know that after reading other blogs I felt a fast kinship with the women who were also in South Asian/western relationships, and I was eager to connect with people that share my interest and familiarity with Nepal. I look forward to sharing experiences in the future!

  2. Hey — I got lucky that your blog was featured on the wordpress frontpage for Tihar/Obama post, and I’m enjoying reading things — I’m a US born white Christian (male) myself and just started dating a Nepali Hindu (female), and while I love our discussions, reading about your situations has been helpful, too, and provided me with another view and also more questions I can take to her! Thanks for the writing, and keep it!

  3. well, here is something more! I’m an Italian mother with a Nepali daughter! have lived in Kathmandu for almost 8 years, while she was small and continued to go back to Nepal for work for almost 20 years!

    • Welcome Barbara! It would be great to here more about your experiences raising a Nepali daughter and living in Kathmandu!

  4. hi all!

    there is no real recipe for this! when we came back to live in Italy, the situation of the country was quite different from now. Initially my daughter went to international schools, but then she changed into an Italian school. It was not easy for her, but this was the only way to have her become acquainted with the country where she was living. I have tried with all my strength to keep her Nepali side alive and strong, and today she is proud of being such. But often here, in Rome, people confuse her with Chinese or Japanese girls! and this surprises her every time!
    Besides, it has been difficult to keep strong her Hindu component, since there are practically no Hindu temples and my personal knowledge about Vedas and so on, is not sufficient.
    Also for the language, it has not been easy, even if I read, write and speak Nepali. But once we went back to Kathmandu together for a month, after the first few days, the language gradually came back! An incredible experience since this happened after 18 years she had left Nepal!
    But finding each other has been for both of us a huge gift, a gift from life, a gift from Bagwan.
    The end is that we both consider each other half Nepali and half Italian – my daughter – and half Italian and half Nepali – me, the mother!
    What more?
    the hope that tomorrow the world will be more ready to accept globalization as a way of growing beyond boundaries, where differences are added values and resources for a better living! wishful thinking? who knows, but nowadays unfortunatey in Italy things are not too good in this direction!

    • When your daughter was young did you talk to her in Italian, Nepali or a combination of both? When and if P and I have kids some day we really want to raise them bilingual. I guess the best way to do this is to speak Nepali in the home and the kids can learn English from my relatives and at school… but I have to get to that point first! What were your experiences?

      • I’ve been studing Nepali for just that reason. I’d love to be fluent soon. So that in the very least, when my kids are speaking to eachother I will be able to understand them.

  5. Oh joyful day!

    I found a website for American-Nepali couples!

    My husband and I just got married in March/April in Nepal. I say March/April because it took that long to physically get the certificate from the district court by Barbal Mahal. Geez what an experience…anyhow I’m Filipino/Black-American and my hubby is Nepali. I spent 2 lovely years in Nepal where the magic happened and we got married.

    Now we’re in Philadelphia, PA and we’re both going through culture shock, him more than I of course but after 2 years it’s an adjustment to be back in the States.

    Looking forward to more info and communication with other American-Nepali couples!

    • Wow! Sounds like quite the experience! and welcome! Great to have you checking in!

    • Interesting story :)
      And which documents did they ask to have from your side? I can’t find the list anywhere in the Internet :)

      Please if you don’t mind tell me more details about the wedding process and documents.

  6. I just spent the last four months in Nepal. I met a guy there and we hit it off. After time we became really close trekking all over the mountain area outside of Pokarah. We fell in love. I met his family and they adored me. It was mutual. But not easy because of the language barrier. I came and went to Nepal twice within that four months to see him. I was in India between this time. However now that I am home in the U.S. I am terrified at how different our two cultures are. I think of the shock it would be to bring someone into the U.S. with the grind of work and education being #1. His family was more concerned about the quality of my heart. He can speak English pretty well, but his English reading and writing is not so well. He is now taking classes to catch up. I feel a sense of guilt, not knowing any of his language and expecting him to quickly learn mine, he is of course not in the least bit worried. (nepali style hahah) And I am worried that if I go back to see him it could really affect his social and family life if I decide we should not be together. Have any insights, suggestions, comments?

    • This is a tough one.

      I am trying to find the title of a book I read a few years ago about a British (?) woman who meets a nomadic Tibetan man living in India and they fell in love. It was really interesting, but I read it in India, so I am not sure if you can find it here. They marry and he returns to the UK with her. After sometime they decide to travel to Tibet and live a nomadic life style with his family for a year, then return to the UK again. I think it might be interesting for you to read, and perhaps helpful to you to see how one person was able to negotiate the vast cultural divide, but I can’t remember the title right now, and I can’t seem to find it on Google. I’ll keep looking.

      I think it is definitely something to consider if you go back and meet with his family and community but ultimately don’t marry. “Marriageable status” is a real thing in a lot of Nepali communities (both in the cities and the rural area), and relationships outside of marriage are frowned upon. Even after six+ years with P, and visiting his family twice in Nepal and having them stay with us once in the US, and with marriage a definite, they still don’t want their friends and neighbors to know “who I really am.” At this point I’m not sure why there has to be secrecy, but, I don’t know… maybe someday.

      What are your plans? Do you hope to go back or will you try to have a long distance relationship? Does he want to try and come to the US?

    • hi maya……if the guy really loves you and you love him equally.. i dont see why you guys should not be together. well if you decide to split .. yeah it would definitely affect him emotionally.. not sure about the social thing….
      p.s:relationship and marriage is one thing nepali people take seriously..
      and im really loving to read all these blogs me being a nepali… take care

  7. Thankyou for that book suggestion! I also saw that book in Dharmsala book shop. I couldn’t remember the name! Yay! Great now I can order it. Thank you. For now we skype all the time. And miss eachother a lot. We did have a hard time dealing with the marriage/ relationship thing for a long time. He wouldn’t take me anywhere near his house in fear of what his neighbors would think.. But we stayed comfortably in other villages with Nepali people. So dynamic compared to our culture. hmmm I am still processing all that I have been through. I’m really glad you made this blog.

    • Hi Maya,

      I’m wondering how things turned out with you and your boyfriend. I’m in a similar position, but still pretty much at the beginning.

      In my case, there is big difference in educational background. I had soo many years of education (am currently doing my 2nd Masters), and he had some and then went through the school of life. He’s held leadership positions in his job from very early onwards (he’s good at what he does), is mature & responsible, and when I talk with him he just understands (- as I said, school of life). While I’m very driven and have high expectations of myself, I have never cared a single bit about other people’s status, position or financial wealth, and the only thing I care about in other people is personality & character. (I also don’t mind being the main breadearner should we manage to bring our two worlds together). And we somehow just fit. He’s completely my equal in a way others have not been. Yet, I can’t help wondering whether the educational difference will create problems in the future.
      In my case, I am not so much worried about bringing different cultures together (- I grew up in an intercultural & multilingual surrounding, have travelled widely and thus, importantly, am AWARE of the unnamed challenges, which I do not belittle). But I worry about bringing the different life(styles)/worlds together. I’ve had a very fortuitous upbringing, with good schools and an enormous amount of exposure to the world, while he comes from a disadvantaged background. He manages expertly in his world, but I am afraid of taking him into mine, for fear of him maybe ending up feeling ‘smaller’. I don’t want him to loose himself.
      I’ve had many friends whose social background was very different from mine (which comes from travelling a lot internationally and moving between worlds both in the geographic/horizontal sense as well as in the vertical one). But I’ve never had to intertwine my life with theirs in the kind of way as it happens in a serious relationship, i.e. I’ve never had to combine these worlds. It was always me as an individual moving between them.
      So this seems like a huge experiment, of which I don’t know what the outcome will be.

  8. Was very happy to see this site. I’m a Nepali (so I can surely give you the 411 on the culture and anything you need)- American woman living in the US. It will surely help my hubby who is a non-Nepali. Nepal has a great deal of invisible rules that are known to natives but just unknown to foreigners, much like any culture. Love reading your blog. It’s quite helpful for any non-Nepali to read this. Particularly amusing was the “Fat” posting. It’s surely a compliment and not an insult. Unfortunately, it’s not always seen as thus…

    • Welcome Nivni! I’m trying to get a female Nepali friend of mine to write a guest post about the trials and tribulations of being with an American guy (I’m told often that the expectations from family is very different and more challenging for a woman). It would be interesting to hear more from you as well!

  9. I just stumbled on your blog and have to leave a comment …

    My partner/husband is Burmese but from a Nepali family. He himself is somewhere inbetween those two cultures with a dose of Westernisation from living in Thailand and working with tourists for the last years. Which makes it very hard at times to know what to expect. Another issue is that he speaks Burmese with a few Nepali words, his mother speaks only Nepali and his friends and the rest of the family speak varying mixtures of the two languages.
    We are both not very religious which I think helps in intercultural relationships – I had no problems to participate fully in a Hindu wedding ceremony to make his family happy. Unfortunately I haven’t yet got my papers to marry so we are not officially married but at his family’s insistence, we had a traditional wedding in February. One of his cousins translated the whole time while we were doing it, to give me an idea what it was that I was doing!
    It was kind of funny – before we married nearly everyone has always been very nice to me when I visited, but after we were married there were some subtle changes that indicated I was somehow more accepted now. It was more ok for me to walk around by myself for instance.

    We plan to visit Nepal, where he’s never been, once we are married and have money again – his Nepali is different from the standard, but I hope it will make it easier.

  10. thanks 4 thr insight

  11. Hi,

    I am an American girl from Ohio and have been dating my Nepali boyfriend for over 3 years and we recently got engaged. I have not been to Nepal (we’re planning for late this year) and am trying to learn more about the culture and the language for me, as well as for my family.

    I have a lot to learn…

    • Hi Lauren,

      Welcome and congrats on the engagement! I think you will enjoy Nepal, it is a beautiful and interesting country. I look forward to hearing more about your experiences as well :)

  12. Malaai dherai kushi laagyo! I just stumbled across your blog. I have dating been dating a Nepali guy (I’m a white American; above is my Nepali name) for almost 2 1/2 years. We’re planning a bihaa but we’re still both very young so it will have to wait for a few more years. Even though India an Nepal have some similarities, they’re so different! So I’m really glad you started this blog. I studied abroad in Nepal and learned the language pretty well, but I’m back in the states now and missing Nepal so much.
    Are you in Nepal now? I’m really excited to start reading the rest of your posts.

    -Binita

    • americanepali

      Hi Binita,

      Welcome! I am in the US, but I have visited Nepal a few times. I wish I could have studied there (it would have helped me so much with language learning!) but university only had an India program, and I went there instead–still a great experience, but not the same. If you don’t mind me asking, what program did you do? I had a friend who went on the Pitzer program a few years ago… was that the program?

  13. hi C, im too happy to have found ur site, I have a feeling I could get some inputs from this site and from you specially. I am a Filipna and my partner is a Nepali, I worked in UAE as Building Quantity Surveyor and met him there. He is working as a Taxi Driver There.

    Anyway, right this time me and my partner often discussing over the matter about him wanting me to go back UAE and join him and also maybe get a work there of course, right now I am already in Phils, and having good work, pay is also good enough, its been already 1 year and 1 month that im here in Phils. He’s already getting angry with this. I just kept on telling him to give me time, then Ill go back UAE, honestly I dont really like UAE, and with my work here now, I can say I earn almost same to wht I am earning in UAE when Iwas there, even more.

    So there’s really no reason to go back UAE now if only to earn more money. except he is there.

    But I am proposing to him that he goes home in nepal, then we marry and I live and join him in nepal. Just I dont want to go back UAE.

    I am thinking maybe he is worried of the kind of life that he can provide for me if this time we settle in nepal because of the limitions of the opportunity he could get being him not so educated. So Im thinking if I can get a work from there that way I could help him, and that way we could still enjoy at least decent life style.

    Do u have idea of the chances to get good work in nepal for a foreigner and specifically for a Phils woman, with a civil engineering background?

    I tried look over the net about anything concerning this. but I didnt get clearer idea ’til now.

    If you can help me please, tips u can give.. anything, I d be very grateful.

    On August Im going nepal for 3 weeks visit. I thought it would be good if I already have some idea with me before I’m there.

    My partner though he is from nepal himself, he’s got too little idea almost none.. about works related to my profession, he works as same Driver in nepal before he went to UAE.

    • Hi Mak,
      I asked around a little. It seems as though there is a website called NepalJobs.com which might be a place to start looking. Good luck and enjoy your trip to Nepal!

  14. Dear C,

    I just came across your blog when I was looking for a picture of the sleeping Vishnu to show my 3 year old daughter. We plan to visit it this weekend. My daughter is American-Nepali, I’m American, my husband is Nepali . . . so, this might be interesting to read! Good luck on the language lessons!

  15. Hi C,

    I’m an editor for The Asia Mag, a Singapore-based online magazine that features issues and voices on Asia. Your content on Nepali weddings is fascinating, and we would love to reproduce it on our site with all due credits and links. Drop me an email should you be interested in providing us permission? Also for further details. Thanks!

  16. Hi, I just came across your blog through a tag on WordPress.com, and I love it! I’m not in a cross cultural relationship but I do live in Nepal and it’s very interesting to read your blog.

    Question…how is the language going?

  17. hiya, v. interesting and thoughtful blog. I’m also a videshi girl living and working in Nepal. moved here because of Nepali boyf but it crashed and burned. ke garne… jindagi yestai ho. still loving being in Nepal though

    I hope you will check out my blog too. All the best with the wedding preparations

    • howdy ajnabee…

      wow– moved to Nepal but the bf is gone. I imagine that could be awkward since the KTM community can feel so small sometimes. Looking forward to checking out your blog as well… looks great! And welcome!

  18. Hello! I love your blog, I too am married to a nepali man. It is difficult to find others in the same situation, there are very few american-nepali households out there! I was wondering if you could give me any tips on travel there. I will be visiting kathmandu for a month with my husband and my 7 month old son. I have never been there and have never met his family. I speak very little nepali, and his family speaks very little english. Any advice you would give me? I am more than a little nervous! Any faux pas that stand out in your mind? Thanks!

    • Hi Laurel,

      I’m sure you will have a great time on the trip. It is terribly nerve-wracking the first time you go, but it gets easier because you know more people, and since you are already married and have a child hopefully you won’t have any issues with the family hiding your true identity to the neighborhood.

      I’d recommend bringing a lot of small gifts that the family can share with extended relatives. We’ve had success with American chocolates, warm socks, interesting kitchen gadgets like apple slicers, and colorful plastic trays to carry drinks, etc. Be careful about eating with your left hand and touching people with your feet (I guess those are the big faux pas- particularly the feet thing).

      It’s tough when there is a language barrier. I’ve tried to bond with people by taking an interest in cooking and helping in the kitchen since this is a place a lot of Nepali women feel comfortable, plus there is a lot of action and miming so you don’t need to speak so much. I bet having your son with you will help, as babies will melt peoples’ hearts and will also give you something to be distracted by if you feel tired from conversations in another language that you can’t understand.

      If after your trip you are interested in writing a guest post about traveling to Nepal with a baby, I’m sure many people would find it interesting!

      I look forward to hearing more!

      • And NEVER step over someone’s feet either. Don’t forget that one. Before walking past someone sitting on the ground with their legs extended, give them a moment to move their feet out of your path or you’ll get some “WTH” looks. Trust me. lol

  19. Namaste!
    Me too, I am in a relation with a Nepali man. Although our situation is not quite the same. Same Same but different, I’d like to say. We are living 6608 km apart.
    Great blog!! It is funny, I also have a ‘Nepali-Western-relationship-blog’.
    Gonna drop by here frequently, now that I found you in the blogosphere.
    Saludos from Germanepal,
    Mrs Khatri

  20. Hi,
    I know this is totally random, but I figured you might be a good source to ask. Christmas is fast approaching and I’m wanting to find a carrom board to give to either my Nepali friends or bf. The area of the US we live doesn’t have many options for things. The nearsest Indian Store for spices and other goods is about 2 hours away. I’ve found the board online, like Amazon for instance, but the board available in the US is different. So I was wondering if you know of anywhere or any sites I might could order from?

    Also, if you have any idea of where to get one or not, could you possibly delete this after reading? My bf and I both like reading your blog, and I don’t want him discovering what I might get him if he were to realize it’s me, lol.

  21. Dear C,

    I recently started following your blog and I’ve really enjoyed reading it. Like you, I’m also an American in an intercultural relationship. My fiance is Indian and we are currently living in India. I added your site to my blogroll- hope you don’t mind.

    Regards,
    Erin

  22. Hey!

    I love your blog. Wanted to congratulate you for this wonderful effort! Its a delight to go through it.

    AL.

  23. namaste c.
    i am a nepali girl. i was suring the net i came across yr blog site. i am finding it facsinating.since i am from Newar family, i know lots of traditions of nepal…may be i can help u if u need some. hope to hear loads and loads o experiences..
    and lastly ….have a very happy married life to u alll..
    cheers!!

  24. I am glad I found your blog ! I’m not american but westerner, living in Kathmandu and married to a nepali man (first year soon over) so this blog has been helpful in so many ways (at least I don’t ponder over things on my own anymore;) ) and has given me such great tips about the culture itself and how people see things here – surely I’ve managed to figure out sth on my own but it’s always great to know there are people going thru the same thoughts and wonders and now I have something to bounce my thoughts with.

    Cheers and greetings from Nepal!

  25. Pingback: A Nepali and an American Fall in Love.. | Nepal Blogs

  26. I’m very happy to run across your blog today. I’m a white American woman from a Catholic upbringing, dating a Nepali/Bhutanese man from a Hindu upbringing. He and his family moved to New England about 1 and 1/2 years ago. Our families are just finding out that we’re dating and it has been difficult to say the least. But we’re hopeful. I look forward to reading your blog.

  27. J, I completely understand that family situation. I married a Nepali man as well and his family still doesn’t understand his choice. We have been married two years and have a baby. No regrets of course but it can be difficult at times.

  28. Hi sis,
    Happy to go through your blog and im having a lot of queries that are getting cleared away from the stated conversations above regarding an American-Nepali relationship. I’m also have a gf whom i’ve been dating for about 2 yrs but im so skeptic about the marriage proposal coz i’ve seen that american gals are very fast to elope with some other guy in simple cases as well like Language,Financial background,etc. I love my gf but still … I’m not confidence about myself. Just give me some suggestions.

    • lol Hi Nischal. This feels so strange since my WIFE’S name is Nischal and she’s Nepalese. There is a stigma about American women, and me being an American man, I can totally agree with some of them. If the girl you’re dating has no fears about your cultural differences and loves you despite your shortcomings, then I say give it a shot. Not all American women are the same. Some just want to be a part of a culture that is NOT American. That’s why I married my wife. I’ve been accepted into her family 100%. There was a short time when I felt a little “outside of the fold”, but for the most part, my in-laws have been proud to call me Jwain-sap. I’m more than honored and proud to call them family. Good luck.

  29. ananymous :) u should read this

    hey my moms american and my dads Nepali, im 14 and my parents are both divorced. Their cultures are soooooo diffrent, they cant get along at all. My mom is a practical down to earth american girl and my dad is a completly strict, steadfast nepali all the way. Sorry to break it to you but nepali and american cultures are like polar opposites. Trust me ive been living with it for 14 years.

    • Hi, don’t worry about this anon poster.

      I have an American mother and Nepali father. The cultures are not polar opposites. Family is a family, and they all have the same underlying themes, but just different ways of showing it. Whether I’m at my grandmother’s house in America or Nepal, I’m always told to do the same thing: “eat more”!

      One word of advice tho: don’t lose the language with your future kids. I was raised in America and unfortunately we spoke only basic Nepali around the house. I wish I grew up speaking more. Now I’m living in Nepal with my relatives to really soak up the language.

  30. laurel hopper

    I am married to a Nepali man and I am american, we have a one year old son. We get along great and work well together as a couple despite the cultural and religious differences. It has been hard for his family to accept me even after 2 years of marriage. Despite all of this we are very happy. It can workout after all as I know many happy Nepali-American couples who have been married a long time. In 14 years I hope my son won’t be saying this!

  31. Hello American-Nepali:

    Nice to read your posts on your blog.

    I have jus completed my SLC exams and while I wait for my results to come out I have started a blog – http://krantikarki.wordpress.com/.

    I am cautiously optimistic that you will visit my blog.

    Also, could we please exchange our links on our blogroll?

    Thank you,
    Chitij Karki

  32. Jenna Adhikari

    <3 my husband is from Chitwan Nepal and I am a white american woman. We have been married for 6 wonderful years and I am very lucky that his family accepts us and our kids. I have noticed that a lot more American's are married to Nepali men than I thought. Congrats on your marriage.

  33. I am from Nepal and have been living here in the the US for few years. I am dating an American girl for 1 and 1/2 yrs now; I might propose her for the marriage pretty soon; and she reads your blog all the time. In fact, she is the one who told me about this blog and came to know and I doubt she has learnt more about Nepal and Nepalese culture from this blog than from me. But it’s ok for me, and actually good coz she has been knowing a lot of things about Nepal and Nepalese culture which I haven’t been able to explain her. Your blog is really nice. And I hope you will be able to resolve your present problem about immigration with your husband. I really pray to God for this. It’s so unfortunate that they do so many mistakes and people like you has to suffer from that.

  34. Hello! I posted months ago about going to Nepal with my husband and son to meet his family. I was so nervous about but in the end everything was great. His family accepted me and we became close. My toddler loved Nepal and Nepali people as they are very baby friendly. We had a hindu wedding there that was very interesting. I liked Kathmandu so much that we are considering moving there for a year or so. Love this blog, thank you!

  35. I am dating a man from Nepal. He’s lived in the states for a really long time. He came here to attend collage. Hands down he’s the most kind, generous, thoughtful man I’ve ever met. We have declared our love for one another and plan to marry. His parents are happy that he’s found someone he loves and wants to be with. My parents love him. Very happy to have family that’s sees love above everything. He’s visiting family in Nepal right now (I miss him so much) I’m so in love and I want to learn his language. We have talked about children and I want to raise them bilingual. There is so much I want to learn about Nepal. He has been out of the loop for years bc he lives and has lived in the states for years. I just want to learn. We plan to go there in a few years and I really just want to learn the culture so that I know where he came from and we can teach our children their heritage…just looking to gain knowledge

  36. hey, it’s cool what you’re doing, i’m engaged and i was wondering if you had any advice that a google search can’t answer from your own experience.

  37. Pingback: Liebster Blog Award | nepaliaustralian

  38. Hi!
    I am currently attending university in the Pacific Northwest and I am trying to find information on the Nepali dance, the Lakhe. If you have any insight or information you would be willing to share it would be very much appreciated. Information that would be helpful might be who performs the dance? The prevalence of the Lakhe in America? How has the Lakhe evolved over time? Or anything else that comes to mind!

  39. I was merely Googling Rosetta Stone, then stumbled on your site. My Nepalese husband and I have been married for 15 years now, with 2 sons. How exciting to come across your blog.

    • I recently met another American out in Wisconsin (although they are based in the Chicago area) who has been married to a Nepal for 13 or 14 years and has two sons. The world is small :)

      I’m still bummed we didn’t make the connection on Saturday night! I hope you enjoyed the party :)

  40. Well after talking to my husband about your blog, my husband realized who your husband is. His cousin even reminded him Saturday night that they have met previously.

    The wedding was fabulous. My mother-in-law came from Nepal for the wedding. She is still in DC and will be coming to OK to stay with us shortly.

    So nice to hear that my husband & I are not the only mixed couple. Surely one-day our paths will cross again. :)

  41. This is overwhelming! So nice to see I am not alone!!

    I am Australian and have been married to my Nepali/Sherpa husband for 3 years, we have a 2 year old son, but we have recently separated. Some of the differences have become to big to bare, but I think we are both confused, not sure if its cultural, personality etc. But despite that, we are still trying to work it out.

    I have lived in Nepal for long periods of time over the past 10 years, and met my husband over there. Sherpa people are very different to the other Nepali people (Brahmin) that I had spent most of my time with until meeting my husband. I am not sure I know how to explain that, but my husband still feels the effects of the cast system over here in Australia, so he is reluctant to become involved with the local Nepali community, which is growing rapidly. I would love to be more involved so my son can experience both our cultures. I am constantly pestering my husband to teach our son nepali but he always reverts to english, so now I am teaching him Nepali!!

    Cross your fingers that we can get ourselves sorted, and I will keep checking in here. Am interested in connecting with other Australians married to Nepali, would love to have a bit of a circle of friends that way! I think it would be nice for our kids and families.

    • AussieinNepal

      Hi Veryemilyart,
      I am so happy to have found this blog. I was sad to read that you and your husband have recently separated. I hope you work things out.
      I went to Nepal for the first time in March 2012 and I met a gorgeous Nepali man (I’m Australian too). We spent almost every day together for a month and developed a connection so quickly. I really felt at home in Nepal after such a short time (mostly because of him). I was there for 5 weeks and I have since returned to Australia. We talk on skype every second night and we miss each other so much. Now i’m confused about what to do from here. In my heart I really want to go back to Nepal and spend some more time with him (which will set me back financially as I will have to leave my job here to do that). There is also an age gap – I’m 32 and he is 25. I dont feel the age gap when i’m with him (and he doesnt care that i’m older), but in Australia people think that age difference is too much – especially if the woman is the older one. I also feel that it might be a problem because I want to have children in the next 5 years or so, and maybe he wont be ready for this. I feel confused about whether I should explore this relationship further or if I should cut my losses and stay in Australia. I know there are no guarantees in love, but I will be sad if I go back to Nepal for a few months and it doesnt work out with him. He says he loves me and wants me to go back, but I dont now if I can live in Nepal for the long term. There are so many things that i’m scared about and there are many financial, educational and cultural barriers, which you have also talked about. I am scared about starting something that might end badly. I need some advice. can these international relationships really work?

      • Hey, I only just saw your reply, so am sorry for the late response. It’s such a hard one and there probably isn’t a right answer. My husband and I are now permanently separated but I would say some of it is cultural and some is personality. I would have likes it to work out but he really changed after coming to Australia. I have other friends who have married Nepali and I know of others, sOme have worked, some haven’t but all have found it hard, as the the cultural differences never really go away, and you need a lot of patience and acceptance on both sides. But that doesn’t mean it can’t work. Go with your gut. It is so hard when it means you have to be the one to make the sacrifices etc to go back and spend time there and take a gamble as it may or may not work out, but if you do that, just don’t force anything, if it works it works, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. For all the times I’ve lived there, I could never live there permanently and I think it’s a rare person that can, so if you are feeling like you don’t want to live there don’t try to force yourself to feel otherwise. Am happy to talk more as mine and my husbands journey was a long one, including organising visas etc. I live Adelaide, am happy to email or talk :)

        • Aussieinnepal

          Thanks for your reply V. Yes it’s such a dilemma, I feel very much caught between what my heart is saying and what my head is telling me. I keep thinking too much about it and thinking too far into the future about the ‘what-ifs'( like visa options etc). I think I’ll have to just chill out a bit and just see where it all goes. think I’ll go back to Nepal in a few months but yes, it is a risk – it won’t be easy to quit my job and go live there for a while. There are a lot of financial considerations. Did you have that problem initially when you went over there? What about when your hubby came to Aus for the first time? Did he find work quickly? You said he changed a lot after coming to Aus- in what way? Thanks for the reply- love to email or chat sometime and hear more about your experiences. Where do I find your email address? Cheers & take care.

          • Hey
            Shoot me an email at veryemilyart@y7mail.com

            Go with your gut and see what happens. No matter what happens it will be an adventure and have no regreats, you never know what will come of it!
            With my travel over the years I often quit jobs to travel, but it all worked out ok.
            When he first came to Aus, it took about 4 months for him to get a job, and it is a cleaning job, which was quite different to the job he had in Nepal (managing a prestigious trekking company), but he now works part time in a trekking shop and is trying to start his own trekking business as well as other endeavours!)
            The main changes after coming here was a loss of confidence, having gone from living somewhere that he knew eveyrone and everything to somewhere where he knew nothing. He has relied on me alot, and that was one of our mistakes, we should have allowed him to be more independent right from the start, as that is something he is only learning to do know he is on his own.
            Anyway, happy to chat anytime!
            Emily

  42. I have a wonderful friend that lives in Nepal. She was denied a visa (I think because of her age) She had all the documents and everything she needed to show that she would be with us and be taken care of. My daughter and our friend is crying very much because they were so excited to finally see each other and do all the things that we all have talked about. How can we get her over here? even if just for a couple of months. She is from a good family and lives in the upper scale area. Her family is well know and they approve of her visit with us. They are all warm hearted and we are very sad that she was denied. Can you please help us? bt

    • Hi Beverly,

      The most common reason for a visa rejection at a US consulate is that the petitioner was not able to adequately or sufficiently prove that they plan to return to their home country after their visit to the United States. By showing that she has family, and/or a job, and/or owns property, or any other prove that ties her more firmly to Nepal, it will be easier for her to get a visa.

      Getting one visa rejection doesn’t automatically mean she will be rejected in the future (it’s possible but not a foregone conclusion).

      best of luck

      • My fiance will be trying to get a visa in October. He finishes on his cruise ship mid september and will return to Kathmandu to start the application process. He plans to book a return ticket and then do the paperwork to prove that he is coming back. Do you know how long this usually takes to get, I have heard 2 weeks and hope that is true. I am so tired of all the what ifs as far as visas and travel and marriage. But its worth it in the end!

  43. Hi C! Wow, I am really enjoying reading your blog! I am an American woman, wife of a Nepali (Buddhist) man. We met when I went trekking in Nepal in 2004 (he was our guide). We’ve been married and living in the US for 6+ years now, along with my stepson who lived his first 9 years in Nepal and is now fully accimatized to life in the US (for better or worse!). We go back every other year for a visit. It’s such a treat for me to read about others who are having similar experiences and feelings, being in this unique family situation. We live in a rural, racially homogenous area in VA, so I don’t really know of any other westerners (in person) who are married to Nepalis. Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts!

    NMP

    PS I can also relate to what Veryemilyart says about her husband keeping his distance from other Nepalis due to feelings of discrimination because of the caste system. My husband feels that, too. Fortunately in DC, there is a “society” of people from his own ethnic group/caste. We have to travel a ways to attend events, but it is worth it. Good to see him relaxing amongst people with whom he can feel comfortable. Maybe there is something like that near you? I hope you are able to work things out with your husband!

  44. I just wanted to thank you for writing this blog. Reading it has been so helpful in opening dialogues with my significant other. Since he and I are going to tie the knot in nine hours, I really wanted to thank you.

  45. veryemilyart, I have been married to a Nepali man three years, and I also have a two year old. I also have seen my husband feel some sense of separation with the other (and very few) Nepali people in our area. He is Newar which is pretty different culturally. It seems to me that all Nepali groups seem to have their own identity and that this plays a part in there relating to each other in America. For me it always seems enough that a person is Nepali, like I feel that my husband should start talking to them and should feel very at home, especially considering how rare it is. It isn’t like this at all! We have no Nepali friends in the area, and sometimes I feel like there is some judgement towards him because he married an American. In fact, at a recent event an older Nepali woman asked my husband why he married an American woman and went on to say that I was not like good Nepali girls! It is true that there are so many cultural differences that sometimes it seems overwhelming, especially when it comes to ideas of love, marriage, the d-word (divorce), and parenting. But at the end of the day I think the differences undermine the love and respect that we have, and that is the most important thing. Also, we are planning a stay there in the fall, for Dashain actually. I am planning to teach ESL. In reference to what you said about it taking a rare type of person to live there, I just hope I am one of them!

  46. Hi Laurel,
    I am so glad there are others who can relate. My husband is Sherpa (have I said that already) and I know Newari are also very culturally different, infact all the castes seem to be different and unfortunately yes keep separate. I found some other Sherpas where we live and tried to put my husband incontact with them and he got annoyed! Unfortunately for us, it looks like we just cant make it work, which devastates me, we have been together for almost 5 years and married for 3, and our son is 2&1/2 (I may be repeating myself here!). I am not quite ready to give up, but it doesnt look good!
    I have lived in Nepal on and off for 10 years, and I think my tolerance is getting less as I get older (though early 30’s isnt too old is it!!) however I would like to take my son back there to live, even for a short period of time at some point as I really want him to know his fathers country. If you can live in Nepal I think that is great! It will be an amazing experience for all of you!!
    When we first met my husband wanted me to live there permanently and I just couldnt committ to that, but we only came back to Aus when I was 4 months pregnant as it was too hard to be pregnant over there. I loved travelling there in my 20’s though!!
    I also feel the “shame” from other Nepali people we meet, as it really is frowned upon by many for a Nepali to be married to a westerner. They dont think we have the same morals and ethics, they see us mostly from the point of view of the TV they see in Nepal. However, with so many Nepali going overseas to study this will change and hopefully some more acceptance will come.
    Best luck to everyone out there in the same position as us!!
    Emily

  47. I am really excited to see this blog. I met my Nepali Fiance in November last year when I was traveling in Nepal. He is a bartender on a cruise ship and was home for his 3mth vacation. He took me to monkey temple and we were together ever since (although long distance for most of it). I am starting to figure out the best options for marriage and would love to be able to ask advice from others who have gone through this process. We are not planning on living in US or Nepal (hoping for Thailand) and am not sure if its worth doing the whole immigration green card, maybe just the ceremonies. I hope to make contacts with others to also find out things like cultural difference difficulties, recipes, etc… You can check my blog for how I met my guy
    http://trailingtrekker.wordpress.com/ and can also contact me through there. Hope to meet some of you soon. Kathy

  48. lol Hey there all. I might as well introduce myself. My name is Adam. My wife and I met here in the U.S. while she was in college and I was working as an on-site computer technician. Strange story, TONS of heart-ache and lots of battles fought and won and lost, but we stood the test of time, so far. We’ve been together for almost 14 years now, married for almost 9. We just had our first child, a beautiful little girl we named Araiya (pron: uh-rai-uh; Meaning: divine/beautiful in sanskrit). The cultural differences are absolutely no joke. We’ve had far more than our share of problems to work through and we are by no means perfect, but who is? I’ve found that being American is easily over-come by accepting and becoming involved with the cultural and social differences that Nepal has and actively doing everything in my power to disprove the common conceptions of what Americans are like. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told how “Nepali-like” I am by my wife’s family and friends. My own wife was surprised at my boldness when our plane landed in Nepal and I climbed up onto the luggage conveyor to hand people their bags. I got smiles, thank yous and nods of acceptance and appreciation for showing no fear to people I didn’t even know.

    I can’t give great advice to the rest of you because each situation is different, as are the people. I can say this, if you’re non-nepalese, dating a Nepali, YOU will need to be the one proving yourself to your Nepali family, not the other way around. You need to show that you’re a good husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend and sacrifice whatever it takes to maintain the reputation of being such a person. If you don’t, you prove the stigma of Americans correct. Be respectful, but demand respect for yourself. Just make sure you do it according to the customs of the Nepalese people or you will be shunned rather than accepted. I plan on dying in the arms of my wife, come hell or high water. No matter what obstacles are placed in the path of our marriage, I plan on going through or over them. Anything to get past them.

    I was very fortunate to have been accepted and well-loved by my in-laws and have not only been given the blessing of marrying my wife according the the Nepalese culture, but have been fully accepted as “Jwain-saab” by my new, extended family. I’m so glad to have found this website, but I’m still looking for another American who married a Nepali girl. hehe Can’t wait to read more!!

    Adam

    • americanepali

      Hi Adrock2003,

      Welcome!

      I am hoping to start a forum in the next few months so readers can have more discussions among themselves as well. I’m not the best IT person, but I think a friend will help… stay tuned!

      And great to “meet” you!
      C

      • Thank you so much C. :) Good to know others are out there. I feel like a rare-breed. I look forward to contributing as much as possible. Can’t wait to post on the forum when it’s up and running!!!

  49. Hi C,
    I recently discovered your blog on a boring day at work. I am a Nepali as well and I can totally relate to your description about C, his family and musings about ktm. I was smiling all the way while reading your blogs, I even laughed out loud on one of the posts regarding P’s mom, I have experienced similar situations when my parents were visiting me in Bangkok(i work here). I can totally connect to them, like the onion on armpit give u fever, rasilo momo stories, P’s mom is so like my mom n his dad talking about weight the first instance he sees you. It is so Nepali and I feel like they are one of my family members and P is so much like my own brother. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it has inspired me to start my own blog :).

    Bests,
    R

    • americanepali

      Thanks R!

      Please send me a link to your blog when it is up and running, I’d be happy to read it!

      C

  50. Hey C,
    I just finished posting my very first blog post on meromusings.wordpress.com :), I’d be happy of you read it.

    Bests,
    Ra

  51. Hi C,

    I’m an American from the Chicago area, and I currently live in Abu Dhabi. I met a Nepali woman while trekking in March. We became romantically involved in Pokhara, and I have now been back to Nepal twice more since then to visit her. I’m now scheduled to return for a 3-week visit in August at which time I will meet her parents for the first time. Up until now, I had met other family members, but her parents live all the way in Upper Mustang, so that’s why it’s taken this long to meet them. If things continue to go well for us, we’re tentatively looking at getting married in December. I’m currently looking into the marriage requirements and the steps to go through, and it appears to be a daunting process with documents required by both the Nepali government and the U.S. Embassy in Kathmandu. I’m trying to read some of this on the embassy’s website, but does anyone have any other advice for me? What makes this especially difficult is that I don’t live in Nepal. She and I have to try to coordinate this long distance between Abu Dhabi and Nepal and through occasional visits when I am able to visit.

    Thanks,
    Bill

  52. It would be helpful if you could elaborate a little on what your goal is beyond getting married.

    The US Consulate will walk you through an Affidavit of Eligibility to marry… that’s the only thing I think they require for you to just get married. Its the CDO in Nepal that’s a little tougher to please. They’ll require police certificates and anything else they can think of (ahem) and then it is the usual “come back tomorrow” thing… or at least it was when we attempted it back in 2005. If you have the time and patience, go for it.

    If the final goal is to be married and settle in the US, I recommend a fiancee visa instead. Meanwhile, save all your boarding passes and take lots of photos together in various settings. Major bonus points if you get up to Mustang for photos with the family. They’ll come in handy later!

    My 2 NR’s

    Maya (USC living in VA with my new-USC Nepali sriman ra chora)

    PS if you do go through the visa process, I highly recommend the website http://www.visajourney.com for all kinds of helpful guidance.

  53. Hi. Sorry it took me a while to reply. My goal isn’t to return to the U.S. to live anytime soon, just return for vacation every now and then. I teach English in Abu Dhabi, and my job is gong well and pays very well, so I plan to stay here for some time. The plan is that once we become married, she would join me here in Abu Dhabi. There is no way for her to come visit here before she marries me. Abu Dhabi won’t grant tourist VISAs to Nepali citizens unless they have a direct family member already residing in Abu Dhabi. I have checked on this considerably, but once we are married, it won’t be an issue bringing her here. I’ve also looked considerably into getting her to the U.S. on a tourist VISA so that she can meet my parents before we get married. From what I’ve found out, that will be extremely difficult, too. I have had a few email conversations with the U.S. Embassy in Khatmandu, and they want numerous documents from her. I’ve applied for a tourist VISA for her, but I have since halted the process because the U.S. Embassy has already indicated to me that in her case it will be very difficult. I explained to them that we are planning to become married, and I would like for her to meet my parents just as I am meeting hers. They also know that she would be with me on my flight to Chicago and be with me at all times. However, In the eyes of the State Department, it doesn’t matter, according to the Embassy. She must be able to meet the rigorous standards of U.S. immigration law on her own. They did not mention anything about a fiancee VISA, and in all my research, I never came across anything about that. If she is married to me, then she can apply for an immigration VISA and would receive it since we would be married. It would just take a while for all the paperwork to be processed. Unless you know of another way, I think she will have to meet my parents via Skype, or my parents or other family member could join me in Nepal so that they can meet her. In the meantime, I will check on a so-called fiancee VISA, but the Embassy didn’t mention anything about that, and they know my circumstances and that we are engaged. I look forward to your reply.

  54. Thankyou so much for your blog, I am Australian dating a Nepali boy and to be honest its been a struggle. I am so happy to find ur blog & realise Im not alone here haha ;) All your stories and tips and knowledge is really wonderful!!!

  55. Hey! I’m so excited to have found your blog. I’m American with a Nepali Fiance. We’ve been together for 2 years and are planning the wedding for 2014. There’s so much info on the web about hindu weddings but they are mostly about India culture. I think we are also going with two ceremony’s. I’m subscribing in the hopes of catching some been there already knowledge from you as we merge our very different cultures together.

  56. Namastae c!
    Merro Nam Kassie ho! I am American and my husband is Nepali, we just got married in September 2011! We are very happy together. I really want to become fluent in Nepalese. How can I do this??? Is there a learning device that you know of? Any tips will be great. My mother in law speaks very little English and though communication is strained there is much love on both sides and desire to understand each other. I want to be able to communicate with her openly. Please help me!! I am so lucky that my Nepali family accepts me I want to be able to tell them myself this.

  57. Hi, I am American and I just married a Newari man after being together with him for nine years (it took a long time to tell his family and we weren’t in too much of a hurry to marry). We are going to Nepal this Dashain for the Newari version of the wedding and are both really happy. We have been reading your blog for a while now and it has been really helpful for both of us. Thanks for posting, please keep it up!

  58. I must admit I am pretty chuffed to have found so many Americans married to Nepalese man. Good luck to all. My wife is from Boston USA and I am from Annapurna area of Nepal happily married for last 12 years and live in England with 2 daughters. The love and respect has no barrier we all have to compromise and get on with life. Happy days to all.

    Babu !

  59. Hi C,
    I am an American undergraduate student who spent a semester abroad in Nepal. I ended up spending a lot of time interviewing Nepalis in Kathmandu who had either studied abroad in the states or were planning on doing so for a research project. It was an amazing experience! I enjoy your blog and I was wondering if you could give me some insight into undergraduate life for Nepalis abroad. I am trying to find some people to interview here to continue research but I am having trouble. Are their particular schools that have strong communities of undergraduate Nepalis?

    If you would to prefer to respond in email that would be fine.
    Kyle

  60. Hello! I have to say I am SO THANKFUL that I found this blog. I am an American girl who’s head over heels for a Nepali man. Its been great but there have been some struggles concerning telling his family about me and their expectations of him and I was wondering if I could ask anyone for some advice?!

  61. I so happy to find this me and my husband (he is from Nepal) have been married for 4 months and we have had a hard time adjusting to each other so it would be nice to have a group to talk to that maybe come across the same road blocks so to speak.

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